Q: What goes Ha-ha-ha-ha!, thud!!! and keeps laughing?
A: A monster laughing it’s head off!
Tim: What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Tim: Lots of blood tests!
Eddie: What do you call a vampire that lives in a kitchen?
Eddie: Count Spatula.
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Jake: Why couldn’t the ghost see its mum and dad?
Philip: I don’t know.
Jake: Because they were trans-parents!
Brandon: Which ghost is the best dancer?
Nolan: I don’t know.
Brandon: The Boogie Man!
Everett: What’s a ghoul’s favorite game?
Jerry: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
Jerry: It raises their spirits.
Joshua: What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Tim: What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Tim: Booberry pie.
Tom: What’s a ghost’s favorite room?
Jerry: I dunno.
Tom: The living room!
Aidan: What is a werewolf’s favorite Cub Scout event?
Aidan: Pack meetings, of course!
A book never written: “Ghost Hunting” by E. Gadd.
Jess: Why don’t ghosts like rain?
Jess: It dampens their spirits!
Race: What is a goblin’s favorite cheese?
Nathan: What is it?
Joker: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks?
Harvey: I have no clue.
Joker: She heard he grew another foot!
Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
Jack: Who do monsters buy their cookies from?
Jack: The Ghoul Scouts.
Sam: What is Dracula’s favorite circus act?
Ethan: Tell me.
Sam: He always goes for the juggler!
Dale: What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula?
Gayle: You join his fang club.
Bill: What can you say about a horrible mummy joke?
Bill: It Sphinx!
Chris: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Taylor: I have no idea.
Chris: A necktarine!
Gracie: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Gracie: Because they have bat breath.
A book never written: “Did a Vampire Bite Me?” by Chick Yerneck.
Bruce: What is a vampire’s favorite dance?
Kevin: I don’t know. What?
Bruce: The Fang-Dango.
Trent: Why are vampires so easy to fool?
Trent: Because they’re suckers.
Q: Why aren’t there more famous skeletons?
A: They’re a bunch of no bodies!
Q: What do little trees say on Halloween?
A: Twig or treat!
Q: Why do ghosts and demons get along so well?
A: Because demons are a ghosts best friend forever!
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a orange pumpkin patch!
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
Q: Why do witches need to wear name tags?
A: So, they would know which witch is which!
Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building!
Q: What do you do with a very green monster?
A: Wait until it ripens!
Q: Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula?
A: He’s a real pain in the neck!
Q: Why did the witches have to cancel their rounders game?
A: Because they ran out of bats!
Q: What do you call a man who tricks ladies into his place and turns them into ghastly freaks?
A: A 1980′s hairdresser!
Q: How many witches does it take to change a LED light bulb?
A: Depends on what you want to change it into!!
Q: When does a spooky skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone!
Q: Who did the scary ghost invite to his party?
A: Any old friend he could dig up!
Q: What does a cute baby bat say before going to bed?
A: Turn on the dark! I’m afraid of the light!
Q: Do spooky scary monsters eat hot popcorn with their fingers?
A: NO, they eat some poor guys fingers separately!
Q: How do you upset a blood sucking vampire?
A: Go to his house and install a large skylight!
Q: Why can’t mummies go on vacation?
A: Because they’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!
Q: How do vampires invite each other out for lunch?
A: Do you want to go for a bite?
Q: What kind of shoes do baby ghosts wear?
Q: What do you get when you cross a super computer with a bloody sucking vampire?
A: A know-it-all, that’s really a pain in the neck!
Q: What did one old witch say to other when she asked for a ride?
A: There’s always broom for one more!
Q: What did the scary witch do when her broomstick broke?
A: She had to witch-hike!
Q: What’s the true ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!
Q: How do you rid a horror-able ghost from your home?
A: Ask him to split the bills!
Q: What is Count Dracula’s blood type?
A: The same as his lunch, bright red!
Q: What is a vampire’s pet peeve?
A: A Tourniquet!
Q: What do you get if you cross sleeping beauty & Dracula?
A: A vampire that never gets up!
Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone new?
A: Hello, pleased to be eat you!
Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula?
A: By bat phone!
Q: What does a ghost swim in?
A: DEAD sea water!
Q: What kind of roads do young ghosts haunt?
A: DEAD ENDS!
Q: Why are black cats such good singers?
A: They’re very meeewsical!
Q: Why did Dracula move to England?
A: Cause he want some royal blood!
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels!
Q: Why did the vampire get fired from the blood bank?
A: He was caught drinking on the job!
Q: What do skeletons say before eating?
A: Bone Appetit!
Q: Why didn’t the Jack-O-Lantern go to the dance?
A: He wasn’t lit and didn’t have a match!
Q: Why couldn’t the mummy answer the phone?
A: Because she was all wrapped up!
Q: How can you tell if a vampire has a horrible cold?
A: By his deep loud coffin!
Q: What kind of fruit do vampires like?
A: Juicy neckterines!
Q: What did one thirst vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
A: Let’s stop in for a cool one!
Q: What did the witch’s kid want for Christmas?
A: A haunted dollhouse!
Q: What type of art do skeletons like?
Q: What did the skeleton say while riding his giant vintage motorcycle?
A: I’m bone to be wild!
Q: Mummy, why do all the other kids call me a hairy werewolf?
A: Now stop talking about that and brush your face!
Q: Where does a young model ghost go to get her hair done?
A: To the BOOty parlor!
Q: What does a ghost put on her breakfast cereal in the morning?
A: A few boonanas and booberries!
Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite feast of the year?
A: Fangsgiving Day dinner!
Q: When do witches like to cook their victims?
A: On Fry-Day!
Q: What do you call two witches living together?
Q: What does a witch ask for when she is staying in a hotel?
A: Fast broom service!
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with!
Q: What’s a spooky ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?
A: The roller ghoster!
Q: What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Don’t spook until your spooken too!
Q: What kind of clothes do the coolest zombies wear?
A: Decay NY!
Q: Why do manly ghosts have so much trouble dating?
A: Women can see right through them!
Q: Why shouldn’t you try to hug a spooky ghost?
A: Because all you get is a couple of handfuls of sheet!
Q: What did the full moon vampire say to the other full moon vampire?
A: See you next month!